Penance, Contrition & A Long Tube Ride Home

Dear Octopus,

You may recall that I ended my letter yesterday with the depressing news that my damaged pride showed no signs of imminent recovery.....well, based on my behaviour at last night's Christmas party that analysis is not only true, but said pride is now significantly, demonstratively, irrevocably more damaged than it was previously. So much so that the head of my department casually mentioned to me as I walked into the office today, 'Ah Action Squid.....so I heard you ruined everyone's nights, nice one...'

How so? As easy as it would be to deny that any of this happened and commit it all to the murky recycling bin of drunken misdemeanour, they say that the first step to overcoming your failures is at least to recognise what they are. As such:

1. Was rude and dismissive to Clare, which she neither deserved nor appreciated
2. Made stupid faces in the photo booth with Jeremy
3. Didn't spend enough time with Al, Jim, Polly or Stevo
4. Didn't do enough to correct Dan's sickening spiral of errant self-destruction

All of these crimes sound trivial now, but they weren't. They were horrible. I am horrible. The only redemptive outcome - maybe - was that after a week of ignoring each other I finally broke the deadlock with Catfish, after our explosive row. Nothing fancy....we were standing together but ignoring one other, as has been the norm for many months now, so when other people wandered away we were left alone together. One of us had to speak. I said, 'do you want to make friends?' 

She said, 'yes.' So we high-fived. Then I went home, to bed. I'm still mad at her, obviously, as she is at me. It can never be resolved. Our lives will just rumble on, as always, separate again. There's nothing too heinous or awful about that. It happens every day. 

So why bother saying anything? What does it matter? Why indeed. It would be easy just to cut her out, and make her feel small. But a good friend said to me recently, 'it's never wrong to be the better person.' Maybe being that person, if only in this minor instance, goes some way to absolving all of those other infractions, for which I am sure I will have to further atone individually over the coming days.

Your loving friend,

Action Squid