Dear Octopus,
New housemate Dutch arrived this week, to a fanfare of excitement and merriment on all sides. (And certainly not because she brought a spell-bindingly wonderful 37" Panasonic LCD television for the living room.) Contrary to what her name might directly or indirectly imply she's actually Scottish, and as such consumes luminous orange toxin 'Irn-Bru' at an astonishing rate. I personally can't see the attraction; for one thing the vowels are in all the wrong places. It's as though an educationally-baffled seven year old has tried to spell 'Iron Brew' phonetically.
Over the course of a weekend's bonding - beers at the Pig on Friday, sunbathing in the park yesterday, driving aimlessly around the streets of Tooting, Earlsfield and Wimbledon today looking for a stand for the aforementioned television set - Dutch has quizzed me extensively on many topics required to 'get to know someone like', the answers of which have surprised even me. It's not often that you ask yourself these things, frankly.
The difficult part though is that I was only allowed one answer per question. Never an easy task for an ocean creature so evidently verbose.
But as follows:
What's your favourite city (other than London)?
Chicago
Where do you most want to live in ten years' time?
I can categorically say that I will not be alive in ten years' time
Where would you eat your last meal?
Terroirs
What characteristic annoys you most in other people?
Either lateness or the inability to apologise, tied
What characteristic do you respect most in other people?
Empathy
What's your biggest fault?
The inability to apologise. A close second would be consistently buying soy sauce even though I know I already have some and don't even like it
What's your biggest strength?
Good manners / politeness (around grown-ups)
What are you most afraid of?
Geese
Who's the best friend you ever had?
Octopus
Who's your nemesis?
The Dragon (urgh)
Who's the funniest person you know?
My younger brother
Who's your hero?
My older brother
What's your most annoying habit?
Talking too much
What's your favourite word?
Sure
Most valued personal possession?
My watch
If you could tell one person to 'get fucked' who would it be?
Sol Campbell
Most common dream / nightmare?
Teeth falling out
Most common worry?
Money
I've just realised how vain and/or self-centred it is to have written out my own answers to these questions, seeing as: (a) you probably know all of these things anyway, and (b): this was a good opportunity to introduce you to the quirky mind and entertaining idiosyncrasies of our new housemate, stranger as she is to you. Needless to say she is fun, funny and we are getting along famously.
I will endeavour to enlighten you further as to her character in the coming weeks.
Your loving friend,
Action Squid
I love the song you thiefed for a title! and i love that y
ReplyDeleteou are most afraid of geese! ha!