A day curiously bereft of excitement. I found an old Kellogg's trophy from 2007 in the detritus surrounding Caroline's desk, so with feeble attempts at stealth purloined said artifact and relished its celebratory aesthetic whilst talking on the phone to a very nice woman from Smooth Radio. Ultimately though you can get tired of these things quite quickly, so decided to give it to Laura downstairs as a prize for her excellent fancy dress costume at last week's Hallowe'en party. She created faux vomit on her hospital gown by mixing Weetabix with water and then drying it.
Whilst delivering said trophy Laura informed me that she needed help with writing a third-person biography of herself (ie: not an autobiography) for the forthcoming pitch for a high profile fashion retailer. I offered to assist her in said literary endeavours in exchange for my trophy back, as I'd become quite attached to it. She declined.
Hmmmm.
Mostly out of spite for my lost statuette, I drafted the required biography myself (mostly spurious) and sent it onto the appropriate senior management, via the usual channels, so as to imply that Laura had drafted it and I didn't approve. I added a rather pithy post-script that alluded to knowing that the facts in it were all true.
(Names have been deleted for privacy):
Laura is an Account Executive in Client Leadership, working with one of the largest clients in the agency; focusing on key health and beauty brands such as ______. She has been with the agency for seven months and has already played a key role in planning many of _____’s 2011 campaigns.
Before joining the agency, Laura completed an MSc in Marketing at the University of East Anglia, where she slept with nearly all members of the senior football team (the only exception being the substitute goalkeeper, who missed the Graduate Ball due to a tummy ache). Her hobbies enjoy reading, sculpting and deep sea fly fishing. She’s never caught a haddock but once saw one being eaten by a larger haddock. Such is the way of the sea.
I have heard from the TV buyers on the third floor that she is suitably unimpressed.
In other news, our prospective new housemate didn't turn up last night, rescheduling instead for this evening. Belle bought us a curry by way of compensation. My tikka pathia and Pongo's dhansak were exactly the same. Not sure exactly what that means about either. Honksy is writing a book about a man made of gold.
I heard you're going to see Imogen Heap in concert tomorrow Octopus, through our mutual friend. I wish I were going with you.
Your loving friend,
Action Squid
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