She Said I'm A User (And She's A Loser With A Gun)

Dear Octopus,


This morning I found a set of keys in the right hand pocket of the jeans I wore yesterday. Absolutely no idea who put them there, or to which lock they are attributed. I originally thought that their purpose might be to open the lock-box under my desk that I've never been able to get inside (due to lack of keys, ironically), but I'm now unable to locate either the box or its instruction manual. I've no idea what I actually put in it, prior to the losing. I hope it's not Andrew.....as I'm fairly sure I bought the box solely for its airtight design.


A strange and disconcerting turn of events. Not least because I may soon have to dispose of a lock-box containing the deceased corpse of Rozi and Aysha's pet mouse. That's on the assumption that the keys I have are indeed those of the box at all.....if not the coffin remains sealed and the mystery of the keys will haunt me until I'm in a similar situation.


Aside from that, work is tough. I've literally never been under this much pressure.


Your loving friend,


Action Squid