Dear Octopus,
How things can change in a day! I'll start at the beginning.....
We had a long discussion about Neighbours this morning, after which I spent a good (really good) hour wondering whatever became of Serena Bishop, Harold's angelic granddaughter lost in the Paul Robinson-orchestrated plane crash back in 2005. A casual internet search revealed that not only did she clearly survive the crash, but she's changed her name and become a television actress, appearing in various programmes and adverts since her apparent 'death', and is now studying at Monash University in Melbourne. Given my 18-month imaginary romance with her at university, coupled with the fact that Clare is an alumni of said university's prestigious law faculty; I instantly saw an in-road to finally pursuing the woman of my dreams.
Oh Serena! How many nights I've cried myself to sleep at the thought of you floating aimlessly on a shark-mauled boogie-board across the Port Phillip Bay, praying that you would be washed ashore (with total amnesia, ideally) like your dear old grandfather Harold! (Bit of an irony that....you probably should avoid the sea in your family. Seriously, look at yourself.) How happy we could be, now that I know you're alive!
I've provisionally booked seats for Clare and myself on a Qantas Airlines flight departing London Heathrow at 9pm this evening, based on the proviso that Pongo can pull some strings at the Foreign Office to have my Visa restrictions revoked. (Just for the record: I've always maintained that the CCTV in that sauna was too blurry.......it could be me, sure, but it could also be Chegwin. And he was the one with the car battery found in his en suite bathroom, thank you Lord Justice of Appeal. That's all I'm saying.)
Anyway, the plan is for Clare and I to leave London at 9pm, arriving in Melbourne at 9pm tomorrow - which will actually be 9am on Wednesday in their time - then get a taxi to the university and hopefully arrive at around midnight. Or midday. On either Tuesday or Wednesday.
Maybe this mind-bending time-irregularity is why Serena and I have been kept apart until now....
Wish me luck!
Your loving friend,
Action Squid
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